You're completely useless in the revolution.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
