Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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