I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize