I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
