is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the liver wants what the liver wants
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
