How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
