Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize