The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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