Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
