I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
