It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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