____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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