I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize