Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
