i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
