this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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