im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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