Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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