Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I checked into jail on foursquare
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
