FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
its liver damage thursday
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
