Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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