We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
