for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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