I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
