You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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