i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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