I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
