I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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