mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
