i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
