stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i drank out of a bidet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
