smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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