I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Semen is not good for contacts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
