arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
