I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
