why didn't you poke me back
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
