UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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