really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize