pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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