a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
