Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you made out with another girl for some wings
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
