dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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