We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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