she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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