If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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