Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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