He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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