What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize