i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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