I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
