just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
