I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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