Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
