I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
