I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't turn off my feet"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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