Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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