Im at strip club and am horny
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
