Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
