Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
