You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
